*Telephone Rings*
Operator: Hello. Will you accept charges for a collect call from (strange change in audio tone as the electronic operator stops speaking and it cuts to a staticky sound) “Blog.”
Me: Yes.
Blog: Hello? Hello? Wells, are you there?
Me: Yeah…blog? Where are you?
Blog: Um…Idaho.
Me: Idaho? What the hell are you doing there?
Blog: Well, I can’t really say. I mean…I shouldn’t even be calling you.
Me: What do you mean you can’t say.
Blog: Just that!
Me: I’m so f-ing confused. Idaho? I thought you were in New York.
Blog: I was. Then a…umm…opportunity arose.
Me: An opportunity?
Blog: Yeppers.
Me: And you took it. And now you’re in Idaho.
Blog: That’s right. I was in Georgia first. The country, not the state.
Me: Huh?
Blog: Oh, Wells, I wish I could tell you all the excitement I’ve had lately! But I can’t.
Me: Are you sure? I mean, I won’t tell anyone.
Blog: Yes you will. You’ll post it.
Me: True. But that doesn’t mean anyone will read it. Remember—you’re not a particularly good or popular blog.
Blog: I know. I’ve let you down. But I’m on to bigger and better things now.
Me: Like?
Blog: (sighs) I do wish I could tell. Can we just suggest that it’s classified and leave it at that?
Me: Are you still with Schnabel?
Blog: No. Well, not exactly. I mean, Schnabel helped me out. But with the collapse of my presidential campaign, I had to move on.
Me: Are you making a movie?
Blog: No. Not even close. Something so much better. Something outta this world. Something in a whole other galaxy. A galaxy so far away that we don’t have telescopes powerful enough to see it.
Me: Are you training to become a jedi knight?
Blog: Don’t be stupid.
Me: Then WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Blog: I wish I could say. I wish I could say. I gotta get off the phone. Someone might see me and compromise my operation.
Me: Are you a spy?
*The line goes dead*
Me: Shit.
I need some pizza.
