Sir Modred started in a PhD program in European History at the University of Toronto.  His goal is to write the definitive version of his family’s history, and to meet a nice young canadian woman with whom to breed and reclaim his throne.  He has been spotted hanging out with Anne Hathaway and Thom Yorke, but not at the same time.

Chummy Checkers died of a broken heart mid-coitus.  I mean…a heart attack.  But yes, mid-coitus.  His heart, it could be said, ended up screwing him.  The AVN Hall of Fame is yet to return phone calls in regards to a memorial service, but we’re pretty sure they might be holding one.

Fillmore is still writing love poems to Jessica. Jessica is still ignoring Fillmore’s poems, and has begun referring to him as Ariel’s “scary little brother.”  She is considering, however, sleeping with him over winter break to teach him a lesson, but he doesn’t know this, nor could he possibly understand the lesson that Jessica intends to teach him.  In other news, Jessica has ditched Dan for Winston and is looking forward to this year’s homecoming game where she plans on tailgating with Winston for several hours before venturing to Winston’s (“He has his own apartment!” Jessica told her friends hours after first meeting him) after the game instead of back to her dormroom where her roomate, Michelle, has been a super-bitch lately and keeps bringing her boyfriend Oliver who’s shaped like a trashcan and smells kinda like a rotten peach over all the time even when Jessica needs to a) study or b) wake up for her 9 o’clock the next day and proceeds to ask Jessica if she wouldn’t mind leaving for a few minutes so that M and O and do the deed and Jessica keeps obliging even though she knows when she walks back in after the sock comes off the doorknob that the room will smell like fish and latex and Oliver probably won’t have a shirt on and the stupid tattoo he has on his shoulder of a walrus high fiving a squirrel will be all out for everyone to see and then he’ll want to watch tv and Jessica would say something about all this but Michelle already screamed at her first week of classes when she mentioned that sometimes Oliver seems a little bummy and mildly (she thought) suggested that maybe Michelle could go to Oliver’s some nights, to which Michelle said she most certainly would not because Oliver’s roomate is a total creepasaurus who would probably hide a camera to film M and O in action.  Jessica looks forward to the day when she too can haven an apartment of her own.

A Lover’s Caress continues to be coy and you continue to run back to it.