October 2011
2 posts
concerning my couch
my couch has stripes. this is, i feel, rare amongst the species. the stripes are of a bluish-green-gray hue, intermixed with white. well, what used to be white. but years of sitting and/or laying upon the couch has rendered these white stripes a subdued dirty cast. i am unsure if i have done the dirty on the couch. i have spilled wine on the couch. the couch hides within its interiors a bed. a bed...
September 2011
2 posts
i need you to be ontological
because epistemological is soooooo 1920s. and 1940s?
are the 1920s back in style yet?
cuz if so, epistemological is fine again.
literary-philosophical fashion is SOOOOOOOO CONFUSING!
August 2011
1 post
someone send me money
and make me famous.
N.B. not necessarily in that order.
March 2011
1 post
February 2011
1 post
things i don't like about The Best Short Stories...
1) it’s old and all old things are bad.
2) it has 1/2 margins on the bottom and 1/4 on the top.
3) it’s smells of an old woman’s hairnet.
4) it doesn’t even mention me.
January 2011
1 post
a personal ad written by a shoe
desperately seeking other half:
we would make quite a pair, you and I. i want to put my laces in your eye. do you believe in sole mates? i like long walks. i want to french kiss you with my tongue. i especially like vamps. my last lover was a total heel, so i kicked him to the curb. i’m more casual than dressy, but i hate loafers. if you have a brogue, i’ll wear a thong.
December 2010
3 posts
this might be the first song i ever wrote. but it...
November 2010
6 posts
poseurs inc. have birthed the world a new...
new weight loss plan
problem:
i need to drop twenty pounds, purely for vanity.
solution:
for weight issues, i turn to the french: i will switch from beer to wine and my diet will consist solely of love problems.
john baldessari
rules
August 2010
1 post
July 2010
2 posts
June 2010
4 posts
as far as life philosophies go
Bull Durham gives us a great one:
‘I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman’s back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the...
a recently discovered track from 80’s...
research proposal
there is a way that europeans sit at outdoor tables—preferably round tables—that makes them (the europeans) instantly recognizable as europeans. they may be dressed in american clothes (pleated khaki shorts!) but from a distance of 15 meters, you can tell that they are, indeed, european. i suspect the reason is this: europeans, unlike americans, know how to sit at outdoor tables....
Watchthe phenomenal poet (and generally amazing person) Sarah Gridley was recently asked to provide a video to Rabbit Light Movies, a highly recommended online collection of poets reading their work. perhaps foolishly, she commissioned me to make the movie. this video is the result.
also, buy sarah’s new book, Green Is the Orator, here.
May 2010
3 posts
stars that were his eyes
from here: ‘The seventeenth-century astrologer John Gadbury, whose own horoscope was strongly Scorpionic, wrote a pamphlet endeavouring to prove that pure Scorpios were not, as tradition averred, quarrelsome, treacherous, drunken and sexually debauched’
i put myself forth as evidence that mr. gadbury was indeed wrong.
never slow down, never grow old
the data:
according to special relativity, when traveling at a constant velocity faster than other ( especially non-traveling) objects, your time passes at a relatively slower rate than the slo-or-non-traveling object. what this means to us: if we keep moving, we grow old slower. or something. einstein is a tricky one.
the moral:
such new knowledge has kept me off the couch. or, if i’m...
wardrobe therapy cause the cavs are losing and...
some of my blogfriends (blgfrds?) have become somewhat obsessed with dressing their blgfrds on mondays. very well then. i’ll dress a friend. him:
his name’s nate. he’s an actual real life friend (one i haven’t seen in like foreves), not a blgfrd. he plays guitar in a band called skeletonwitch. they are pure metal goodness. here’s nate in action:
so let’s...
April 2010
2 posts
date night
a man and a woman sit at the table across from us. he is fit, fortyish and black, drinks a manhattan that he holds by the stem like a flower. she is sixties, has a neck that flaps goiter-like when she turns her head, is decked out in egyptian art deco jewelry that could have been her mother’s. they hold hands, and she gives him pecks on the cheek.
was he an escort? i like to think...
March 2010
6 posts
man ray is the man who makes woman merry
le violen de ingres
untitled
glass tears
coat stand
kiss
the prayer
we interrupt man ray is the man week for this...
the only joy i get out of march madness is hearing that people’s brackets are ruined. that joy is increased exponentially when it is my favorite university that does the ruining.
objectable correlatives
this movie director = this punk band:
david lynch pere ubu
jim jarmusch televison*
kevin smith green day
john hughes the replacements
the coen bros the clash
john cassavettes the stooges
errol morris fugazi
steven soderbergh nirvana
john waters the cramps
greg araki ...
i have a pet project
he is an elephant with lasers in his tusks. and a cybernetic eye. his name is taser. he was originally a circus animal. now he fights crime.
hollywood: start your bidding now.
February 2010
10 posts
t.s. eliot never lived in cleveland
february is the cruellest month, obviously.
conundrumic correspondences
shakespeare is to faulkner is to roth
it works out like this:
Hamlet=Sound and the Fury=Portnoy’s Complaint
King Lear=Absolam, Absalom=American Pastoral
Macbeth=Requiem for a Nun=Sabbath’s Theater
Othello=Light in August=The Human Stain
The Tempest=Wild Palms=The Anatomy Lesson
As You Like It=As I Lay Dying=The Counterlife
Your job: explain in a 3-27 page essay.
MLA format,...
just in time for valentine’s day: the new...
inventory of nerdom
location: hotel room in albuquerque
disposition: jet lagged and caffeinated
purpose: writing a conference paper about doctor who
desires: to go to the punk rawk bar down the street
unfulfilled: owning a TARDIS so i can go back in time to convince myself (my past self) that a hotel room in albuquerque is no place to write a paper so get the damn thing done before boarding a flight out of the...
A problem with grad students
magicmolly:
You can’t have a good conversation with someone who refuses to generalize.
fml.
celebrity doppleganger week
in the spring (?) of two thousand and five, a couple charming young men from athens ohio started a tv show. it was called failing at life. there were skits and stuff! but also, there were two guys sitting around talking to each other awkwardly. their names are monty and nick. the two guys looked like this:
you will also have noticed the bottom photo. it is from 2008. it is from a webshow called...
January 2010
5 posts
did i mention?
my video blog is gonna be awesome? like lady gaga’s androgeny?
this is very exciting
video blog. say it with me—‘video blog.’ it’s the future. text is so passe, like filet mignon.
so.
that’s right folks…stay tuned.
video blog be coming.