concerning my couch
my couch has stripes. this is, i feel, rare amongst the species. the stripes are of a bluish-green-gray hue, intermixed with white. well, what used to be white. but years of sitting and/or laying upon the couch has rendered these white stripes a subdued dirty cast. i am unsure if i have done the dirty on the couch. i have spilled wine on the couch. the couch hides within its interiors a bed. a bed that pulls out in order to keep its occupant uncomfortable by kneading the metal cross bars into his back. for this reason, the bed remains a mystery hidden in the depths of the couch’s frame. part of that frame is broken and i have to constantly adjust the cushions or else the couch tries to pull my body into itself like i am its supper. this scares me. not monsters under the bed scary. more like threat of nuclear holocaust in ‘61 scary. and yet i keep sitting, laying and dirtying the couch. this is largely because i’m too poor to buy a new one.
suggestion: let’s trade couches.
new single from my new album, “Let’s Compare Scars,” available in Oct.
i need you to be ontological
because epistemological is soooooo 1920s. and 1940s?
are the 1920s back in style yet?
cuz if so, epistemological is fine again.
literary-philosophical fashion is SOOOOOOOO CONFUSING!
someone send me money
and make me famous.
N.B. not necessarily in that order.
things i don’t like about The Best Short Stories 1939, ed. by Edward J. O’Brien
1) it’s old and all old things are bad.
2) it has 1/2 margins on the bottom and 1/4 on the top.
3) it’s smells of an old woman’s hairnet.
4) it doesn’t even mention me.
a personal ad written by a shoe
desperately seeking other half:
we would make quite a pair, you and I. i want to put my laces in your eye. do you believe in sole mates? i like long walks. i want to french kiss you with my tongue. i especially like vamps. my last lover was a total heel, so i kicked him to the curb. i’m more casual than dressy, but i hate loafers. if you have a brogue, i’ll wear a thong.
it’s almost a new year! ummm…this is a new years song. i swears.
the first single from my long-awaited christmas album!
